How do you eat an elephant, and what does that have to do with my kids?

Little things add up to.....



wait for it...



wait for it....



you'll never guess.....



BIG things.

HA!  Just what were you expecting me to say?

In all seriousness, though, let's dissect this idea a little bit. How can we make it work in our lives?

Take my house, for example.  If you were to peek into my kitchen right this second, you would be VERY aware that all my small children just finished their lunch.  (You may also notice that they just moved a big rug from a bedroom to the dining room, but that's not really related to my point so much.)  You would see books all over the family room floor, not to mention throw pillows, stray shoes, toys.  It's overwhelming!!  Anybody else ever feel that way?  There is just SO much work to be done.  It's hopeless!  I don't have time or energy for this!  There's no way I can get all this done before the baby wakes up!  So I do nothing.  If I can't do it all, why start?  Nothing small will make a difference anyway.  Or I rationalize and procrastinate.  Oh, folding the laundry is such a small task.  It won't take long.  I'll just do it real quick right before bed.  Yeah right.  I know full well it will still be waiting for me 3 days later.

The trap is in thinking that the little things don't matter.  Think rinsing that one glass won't make much of a difference?  You're right, it probably won't by itself.  But I've come to realize that if instead of looking at the whole big mess in the kitchen, I just focus on doing one thing at a time, it makes a huge difference both in my attitude and in the orderliness of my kitchen.  Instead of saying to myself, "why bother picking up that pile of art supplies in the corner, it won't make a difference."  Just DO the one thing and later, you will be glad you did.  It's amazing how a 5 minute straightening-up can really make the room look better, even if it's not perfect.

So how about child-rearing?  I just finished reading Sarah MacKenzie's Teaching From Rest: A Homeschooler's Guide to Unshakeable Peace.  (Public school families - stay with me!)  She made an excellent analogy to medieval cathedrals.  The builders would work endlessly, day in and day out, adding one brick at a time.  It could take over 100 years for a cathedral to be completed, which meant most of the builders never even saw the finished project, and they KNEW they would never see the end result.  But they just kept on working.  They knew the goal of the cathedral was to glorify God, so they just kept adding bricks.  Each individual brick made little impact in how the cathedral looked, but when all was done, it was majestic.

And so it goes with our children.  The moments make up days; the days, years; the years, a lifetime.  Saying a one or two minute prayer with your child may seem inconsequential at the time, but saying dozens, hundreds, thousands of prayers with them throughout the course of their childhood builds a foundation of faith.  Having them sweep the floor once means they may do a terrible job, but having them sweep the floor daily after dinner means they learn how to do it well.  Doing one kind thing for a stranger may seem like no big deal, but your kids seeing you make a habit of that day in and day out means they grow up to value compassion.

With young kids, our days are so full of the mundane, the tedious, the feeling like you're busy all day but haven't really done anything.  But take heart, Mamas!  All those little things you're doing ARE making a difference.  Like the cathedral worker, you may not be able to see beyond the one small portion of the wall on which you're currently banging your head, er,....I mean working, but keep your eyes towards Christ.  When you feel like you're losing ground in the battle for your children's hearts, just keep doing the little things, the praying, the teaching, the reading, the snuggling, and one day you will look back and see the reward from all those "little" things you did.

Galations 5:9 - Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in the end we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

So how do you eat an elephant?

Why, one bite at a time, of course!

Women in the Word - Turning Your Heart Toward God - Week 1

This morning I had the incredible opportunity to coordinate a Bible study for about a dozen women.  We are working through Kay Arthur's 40 minute study Turning Your Heart Toward God.  I can't pack an hour's worth of Spirit led discussion into one blog post, but here's a brief summary of what we covered.

We began by commenting on what most people in today's culture think of when they hear the word blessed or blessing.  In general, we equate blessing with good THINGS (physical/material) happening to us.  When all is going well in our lives and we are getting pretty much everything we want, we call ourselves blessed.  But when Jesus preaches on blessings in Matthew 5:1-12, the word takes on a much different meaning.  It does not describe our physical state of being, but rather our spiritual state.  He defines being blessed not by our worldly situation, but by how deeply we realize our dependence on God and how much we look to Him to meet all of our needs.  After all, "blessedness is first and foremost a characteristic of God" (p. 6).  It is an intrinsic part of His nature, and we are made in His image.  Thus it follows that the more time we spend in His presence seeking to know Him, the more we will experience His blessing or fullness.  Consider Psalm 65:4 - "How blessed is the one whom You choose and bring near to You to dwell in Your courts.  We will be satisfied with the goodness of Your house, Your holy temple."  Call me crazy, but I'll take dwelling in God's holy temple over material goods any day of the week!

We then looked closer at the first Beatitude in Matthew 5:3.  It says, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."  So what does that mean to be poor in spirit?  Let's look at the example of the Pharisee and the tax collector from Luke 18:9-14.  Basically, the Pharisee was very proud.  He was relying on his works (fasting, tithing, keeping the law), and, even though he didn't come right out and say it, his attitude was such that he felt like he clearly deserved God's blessings more than others because he was such a good person.  This falsehood is obvious to us when we read his story, but how quickly do we fall into that same trap ourselves!  Instead, God pours out his blessing on the lowly tax collector, the sinner, the man who knows he has never done and never will do anything to deserve God's grace.

The tax collector was our example of what it looks like to be poor in spirit.  It is to realize that we have nothing to offer God ourselves.  We have no righteousness of our own, no matter how hard we try.  We are completely and utterly dependent on Him for everything, and any attempts to live otherwise will result in making life harder than it has to be.  It is letting go of our pride and humbling ourselves and submitting to His will.  It is realizing just how much our spirit lacks, and looking to the Source of life to fill it up.  The passages we read from Isaiah 57:15, Psalm 34:18, Psalm 51:17, and Isaiah 66:1-2 teach us that it is the lowly and broken-hearted who will be brought up and revived, NOT the one who checks off all the boxes on the list of "how to be a good person."

Finally, we considered the apostle Paul as an example of what it means to be lowly and contrite before God.  If anyone had reason to boast in his accomplishments, it was Paul.  (See Philippians 3:4-9).  He did everything right.  He was even born into the right family.  He was climbing the church ladder and was on a higher rung than any of his peers, but he ultimately considered all of his accomplishments WORTHLESS.  He calls them rubbish, trash, garbage.  They meant nothing when it came to receiving God's favor, and they certainly didn't get him one step closer to heaven.  Instead, he looked to gain Christ not by "having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith."  (Philippians 3:4-9)

By these measures, God's blessing is available to everyone who seeks it.  No matter what is going on in our lives, God promises us that if we draw near to Him, He will draw near to us (James 4:8).

So where are you?  Are you like the Pharisee, striving to earn God's favor by your actions?  Are you just coasting along not really worrying about it one way or another?  Or has God shown you the poverty of your own spirit and brought you to a place where you are looking only to Him to fill you up?  The study questions on page 20 are great tools for you to use in your personal prayer time, especially the last one:

Can you identify any factors in your life that may be keeping you from seeing your true poverty of spirit?  What are they?  Wealth?  Worldly wisdom?  Strong natural abilities?  Your own righteousness?

Whoa!  Good thing we have a week to mull that over and pray through it!  Next week we will be looking at Matthew 5:4 - Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Til then, take a look at the prayer on page 22, "God be merciful to us, the sinners!"

On Peer Pressure

Several weeks ago, my son had a friend (J) of his over to play for the afternoon.  The two boys were pumped to have a playmate, and the friend, especially, was excited to get to explore a new backyard.  It didn't take long before J was jumping off our retaining wall over the bushes into the grass, and since he's very strong and athletic, he would land on his feet and immediately move into a forward roll in a cool, ninja-like sort of way.  Michael, who has many gifts and talents, but is not *quite* as athletic as his buddy, thought it was the coolest thing ever.  So of course J was trying to convince Michael to jump off the wall into a roll, and I was watching, and I could tell that as much as Michael wanted to try it, he was also a little bit scared.  (Let me assure you at this point, that the wall is only about 3 feet high, the bushes are low, the grass soft, and the danger minimal.  WORST case would be a scraped knee or twisted ankle.)  Michael looked at me, unsure of what to do (or maybe to ask permission, I don't know), and since I've watched him climb and jump and play for the past 7 years, I knew it was well within his skill set, so I sort of nodded and encouraged him to try it. It took some coaxing, but he finally jumped and, not surprisingly, loved it and did it about a dozen more times.  Peer pressure, FTW!

Peer pressure.  This may have been the first time I had seen it in action around my kids, or at least the first time I was so aware of it.  Today it was a good friend encouraging Michael to challenge himself in an exciting and mostly safe-ish way.  Tomorrow it could easily be a not-so-good friend pressuring him to drive faster than he should, take just one drink more, send that inappropriate text message (or worse). Today, he looks to me when he's unsure what to do in a new situation, and he trusts me when I tell him yay or nay. Tomorrow, where will I be?  I'm fooling myself if I think I'll always be there to stop him when he's wanting to jump a wall that's too high, even more so if I think he will always listen to me like he does today.  I know I've only got a few more years before he'll be off making his own decisions about situations I may never even know about!  Scared yet?  Yeah.  It is scary.  But don't lose hope.  Take action!

And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him.  You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you.  

John 14:16-17

Just because *I* can't follow my children around everywhere they go doesn't mean they will be alone.  This may sound dumb, but my children are all so young that it is still strange for me to think of them as actually having real relationships (not just interactions) with other people, but that's exactly what their relationship with God will be.  At best, I am blessed enough to get to be a messenger, a teacher, a mother, but the Holy Spirit has to work in their hearts totally independently from me, just like my relationship with God is separate and above my relationships with anyone else, even my own parents and my husband.  So what can I do?  I can pray.  My dear friend said it best, "I am on my knees daily for early salvation for my little sinners."  I can pray with them while they're awake.  I can pray over them while they sleep.  I can pray desperate, heartfelt prayers when the worry threatens to overtake me.  And then I can relax.  I can relax because it's not a question of "will my children make bad decisions?"  It's a question of "WHEN will my children make bad decisions."  Because those days are coming.  If they haven't yet, I promise you they are eventually.  I have hope that their mistakes are on the relatively minor side of things, but I have no guarantee of that.  But I DO have a guarantee that the teaching, the training, and the praying I am doing now will not return void.  

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Philippians 1:6

God has begun a good work in me.  God has begun a good work in my children.  God is faithful in all His promises.  So, yes, I would very much prefer for my children to abstain from anything risky, questionable, impure, ugly, or wrong, but they don't, and they won't, and I have precious little control over that.  I would LOVE it if my children only ever meet peers and adult mentors who encouraged them and built them up and pointed them back to Jesus, but we both know the bad influences are lurking about just waiting to steer them astray.  I don't have much control over that either, and will have even less as they get older.  

But I know the One who DOES have control, and I call on Him daily to intervene in the hearts and lives of my kids.  Won't you join me?

Heavenly Father, thank you for the precious children you have entrusted to me.  I pray that your Holy Spirit would make my husband and I good stewards of their lives, and that You would give us power and wisdom to raise them up according to Your Word.  I ask that You bring good friends into their lives, friends who encourage them and strengthen them in their faith.  I ask that you protect them from friends and adults who would approach them with ill-intentions.  I pray that Your Word takes root in their hearts and grows with them as they grow, and that they learn at an early age to listen to their Helper and to look to You to meet all their needs.  In Jesus name, Amen

Into the Anthill

I'm taking it back today.  Waaaaaay back.  We're going back to my babysitting days, which were more than half my life ago.  Yikes!

Speaking of being young, do any of you remember babysitting before you were old enough to drive?  I definitely had to get picked up and dropped off for my first few gigs.  And now that you're grown with kids of your own, can you IMAGINE leaving your children in the care of a 14 year old???  I mean Safe Sitter class or not, what on earth were our parents thinking?!

Okay but back to my story.  I once babysat for an adorable little toddler, probably not more than 18 months old.  I was holding his hand as we were walking around his back yard.  He wanted to go everywhere.  I pretty much followed his lead and let him explore the whole yard, until, that is, he came to an ant bed.  As he approached the ant bed, all I did was try to steer him away from it in a different direction , but boy he did not like that!  He wanted to get in that ant bed, and his young self just could not comprehend why I wouldn't let him walk through it.  He kept going towards it, and I kept leading him away.

It got me thinking about my role as his safe-keeper for the day.  I was pretty much willing to let him walk wherever he wanted, and he could hold my hand the whole time for extra security.  (Now that I think about it, not just security.  I also provided support, reassurance, companionship.)  The only places I wouldn't let him go were dangerous places where he could be hurt.  As long as he stuck with me, he would get to experience some pretty awesome new places (for an 18 month old, that is).  Whereas if he somehow managed to escape my clutches and wander off on his own, he would in all likelihood get into something really unpleasant.  And the thing is, he had no idea which parts of the yard were good and safe, and which were dangerous and harmful.

How many times do we want to venture away from where God is leading us?  How many times do we think we know what is best for us, but in reality we are just like that toddler, having no idea what's good for us and what's not.  Just like I did for the little boy that day, God holds us in his hand.

Where shall I go from your Spirit?  Or where shall I flee from your presence?  If I ascend to heaven, you are there!  If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!  If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.  

Psalm 139:7-10

There is NO place where God does not go with us.  There is NO place where God will abandon us.  We may not always understand why or where He is leading us.  In fact, we may be going through weeds and brambles, and we may never know why.  But wherever he leads, we can either trust Him and go willingly, or kick and scream when he tries to guide us away from something we want.  

On the other hand, I believe that God only holds our hand so tight.  We're adults with free will, and if we insist on letting go and running off then He will let us, and we will reap the consequences.  But that doesn't mean He's not still right there beside us, waiting for us to leap back into His arms.  And I'm not saying that as long as we hold God's hand that we will never face hardship.  Sorry; life is hard.  What I am saying is that no matter what we feel like, feelings do not trump truth.  

The TRUTH is that God will never leave us nor forsake us.  

Whose job is it anyway?

Moms, I have some good news for you.  Well, it may sound like bad news at first, but hear me out, it's really good news.  Ready?  Here goes....

You cannot control how your children turn out.  

There!  Isn't that wonderful!!!  Are you as relieved to learn that as I was?  Or are you wondering what on earth I mean by that?

Let me explain.  Parenting is an amazing privilege.  It is a joy and a blessing to hold a newborn baby, to listen to a baby's laugh, to feel the love between you and a tiny human who completely relies on you for everything.  As your child grows, you get to experience the joy and the pride which comes from watching him learn and accomplish new skills.  You get to be her intimate confidant, the keeper of secrets, the person she wants to be with more than anyone in the world every single second of the day.  (Okay, sometimes you actually want her to back off for a few of those seconds.  Maybe sixty.  Sixty quiet seconds of your 4 year old not demanding to be as close to you as physically possible.)  You are the first person your kids turn to when they are excited, proud, hurt, scared, lonely.

But as with any privilege, these also come with a great responsibility, namely, to parent them.  You know....to keep them safe, feed them healthy food, make sure they get enough sleep, are warm enough in the winter and covered in enough sunscreen in the summer.  You must teach them to use the potty, to share, to have gentle hands, to read, to throw a baseball, to swim, to drive.  You hope to teach them to love others, to be kind and generous, to stand up for what is right.  All of this comes with a common end goal: to turn adorable helpless babies into young men and women who make you proud and who will change the world for the better.  That's right - the day will arrive far too quickly when they are on their own and you will see the results of all the hard work you did (or didn't) do when they were younger.

So let's look at a few of the things God calls us, as parents, to do.

He tells us to teach our children His commandments.

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.  And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.  Deut 6:5-7

That passage does not say "take your kid to church once or twice a week and say 'Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep' with them every night."  Both of those things are indeed good, but God calls us to do so much more.  Read Deuteronomy 6:7 again.  That is a description of making God's Word a priority, a living presence in your life, not just something added to the end of your long list of extracurriculars.  

He tells us to discipline our children.

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.  Proverbs 22:6

The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.  Proverbs 29:15

Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.  Proverbs 13:24

Please do not misunderstand me.  I am not advocating corporal punishment, nor do I wish to start a debate on its merits.  What I am saying is that disciplining your children - teaching them to know right from wrong and then teaching them always to choose RIGHT even when it's hard - is important.  Yes, it's a pain to interrupt whatever you're doing to put a toddler in time out again.  It's so much easier to take the toy away than to teach your kids to communicate and respect each other.  It's faster if I just set the table myself instead of nagging them over and over to do what I ask quickly, neatly, and cheerfully.  But we love our children, so we do the hard work of correcting them even when we don't feel like it.  

He tells us to pray for our children.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  Philippians 4:6

Pray without ceasing.  1 Thessalonians 5:17

God cares about you, and He cares about your family.  He does not expect or want you to carry the burden of parenting alone.  He wants you to be weak and needy and vulnerable and - dare I say it? - broken.  In fact, He commands us to bring our needs to Him, to lean into Him instead of trying to be Super Mom.  So pray.  Pray for your children daily.  Hourly.  Constantly.  Learn how to default to prayer instead of yelling.  It takes practice, and you will still lose your patience sometimes (trust me), but you will learn so much about what your child needs and how God can use you to meet those needs.  

I'm almost to the good news part so hang in there!  Those are just a few of the countless examples in Scripture of the responsibilities we have as parents, but there is a point where our responsibilities end.  Yes, we teach our children, discipline them, pray for them, model a life of faith for them, but we cannot change their hearts.  Only the Holy Spirit can do that.

It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all.  John 6:63a

We can fill their heads with knowledge of God, we can teach them to control their actions, but only the Holy Spirit can change their hearts.  Do you see why this is good news?  We can let that burden go!  I can't "make" my child be a Christ-follower, and I don't have to!  It was a HUGE load off my shoulders when I realized that!  I would stay up at night worrying about how my children would turn out, terrified that I was failing them on an astronomical scale.  But one day I realized that no matter how badly I want to, there's nothing *I* can do to make them "turn out" okay.  And because God is faithful, and He loves me and my children, I don't have to worry about it anymore! I can be obedient to God by raising my children in a Biblical way, but beyond that I can have peace and trust the Holy Spirit with their hearts.  No more staying up all night worrying that I am a hopeless failure when it comes to my kids.  Are you feeling less stressed already?  That's not to say there aren't still days when the worry sneaks back in and threatens to consume me, but I no longer let fear get the best of me.  It's amazing how your parenting changes when you truly realize God is ultimately in control of their lives as well as your own.  I'll say it again: GOD IS FAITHFUL.  I can trust my children's hearts to Him and know that they are in good hands.  

How about you?  Do you ever feel like you've messed up so badly with the first child that you might as well just give up on him and try again with the next one?  Do you lay your worries and fears about your children at the foot of the cross, or are you trying to take on a responsibility God never intended you to have?

Let's thank God together that we don't have to do it all ourselves, amen?

I like to joke that the best part of being a parent is that I am now qualified to judge all other parents. People without kids have no street cred when it comes to what is or is not good child-rearing practice, but now that I’ve been rocking this Mom gig for 6 whole years, I think I know a thing or two.

That is to say, I know a lot about what doesn’t work. I know how awful it feels to have yelled at your kids so loudly that they are actually scared of you.  I know how humbling it is to have to ask your kids and your husband for forgiveness.  Again.  I know the fear that comes from thinking your latest parenting misstep has ruined your kids once and for all.  That there’s no possible way they’ll turn into healthy, functioning adults what with all the mistakes you’ve made with them.  

And yet, despite all my failings, I was recently told by two of my friends that they admire my parenting.  WHAT?!?  They both said they wished they could keep their cool the way I did, that they loved the way I spoke to my children to discipline and encourage them, that they even told their husbands what a good mom I am.  True to (self-deprecating) form, I brushed their comments off with a joke and mumbled something about how I’m really not everything I seem to be, but then I got to thinking, now that’s not very fair.  Let’s give credit where credit is due.  Yes, I’ve had some major parenting fails, but I’ve also had some major parenting victories!  The biggest victory?  Learning to lean on the Holy Spirit every day, even when my flesh is screaming against it.  And much more remarkable than my ability to learn is the Holy Spirit’s power to teach!  Left to my own devices, I may or may not be a good mom.  (Most evidence points to “no”.)  But when I am intentional about praying for my children, praying for myself and my husband, and allowing the Holy Spirit to parent through me, then the fruit speaks for itself.  

Our pastor recently taught that God will never call or command us to do something without also equipping us with the power and ability to accomplish it.  Well, God grew a tiny human inside my belly (three times!), so I would say there is a good chance He called me to be a Mommy.  So that means even when I’m exhausted, even when the whole house is sick and yet no one wants to rest, even when the kids are creating chaos at approximately 100x the rate that I am restoring order and I just want to step outside for 2 minutes to breath quiet, still, fresh air without being bombarded with the needs of 3 other humans (4 if my husband is home), I STILL have the power and the ability to be a loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle mother (as opposed to an out-of-control crazy woman).  

Friends, that is good news!  For us AND for our children!

As I look back over the years, I see that God has been faithful to answer my prayers.  My favorite Scripture is from James 4:8, “Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.”  He will never leave you hanging.  He’ll never put you in a stressful situation and then say “yeah…..good luck with that.”  You’re worried your baby isn’t eating enough?  Tell Him.  You need wisdom on how to keep your child from terrorizing the toddlers on the playground?  Ask Him.  You need to be reminded that you are loved and not alone, that you are valued and your work is not worthless?  Spend time in worship.  

By no means am I saying that I always get it right.  In fact, many times I have to start the learning process all over again.  Just when I’ve finally figured out what my 3 year old daughter needs, she goes and turns 4 on me, so we’re both back to square one.  But I will say that God has used my kids to teach me many lessons on parenting, and as a result, I spend way more time enjoying my kids than I do feeling exasperated with them.  

If you can relate to any of this at all, then please stay tuned! Maybe some of the techniques that worked for me will work for you. Maybe not, but they may inspire you to get creative as you learn what works for your family.  It has been a blessing to see how the Spirit has worked in my life and in the lives of my husband and kids, and I am excited to see how He will continue to work in my family for years to come.  It is my prayer that I may be able to encourage you to dig deeper into the Word, to seek intimacy with our Father, to learn how to say “yes, Lord, I surrender to You” when all you really want to do is slam the door, crawl back in bed, and start the day over again.  I pray God will bless you with more of His presence and His grace as you seek Him more and more.  And that, my friends, is a prayer He will always answer.  

Now it’s your turn!

What are some of the biggest parenting challenges you are facing right now?

How intentional are you about praying both for and with your children?

What is your idea of a “perfect mom”?  Compared to your ideal, how do you rate?  If you honestly step back and evaluate, are your ideals of motherhood realistic, or are you beating yourself up for failing to meet an impossible standard?

Up next:  Whose job is this anyway?